Untitled (Epigram to the Ladies of the Privy Chamber)
by Sir John Harington

Sir John Harington invented the first known valve closet (a precursor to the modern toilet) in the late 1500s. Queen Elizabeth I (a relative of Harington's) had the device installed in Richmond Palace.

This poem was reportedly placed in the "privy chamber"at Richmond Palace to point out to court ladies that Harington's privy design "hath freed this noysome place from all annoyance." It mentions Misacmos Muse, a reference to Harington's book about the privy, which was chained to the wall alongside the poem. For an excellent introduction to Harington and the water closet, see Roy Palmer, The Water Closet (Newton Abbot, Devon: David and Charles Limited, 1973).

Faire Dames, if any look in scorn, and spites
Me, that Misacmos Muse in mirth did write,
To satisfy the sinne, lo, here in chains,
For aye to hang, my Master me ordaines.
Yet deem the deed to him no derogation,
but deign to this device new commendation,
Sith here you see, feele, smell that his conveyance,
Hath freed this noysome place from all annoyance.
Now judge you, that the work mock, envie, taunt,
Whose service in this place may make most vaunt:
If us, or you, to praise it, were most meet,
You that made sowre, or us, that make it sweet?

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